[0:00] Have you ever been to a shrink? I have.

[0:02] And my total takeaway from that

[0:04] experience happened to be a very good

[0:07] feeling. Totally recognizing just how

[0:10] very important my relationship with the

[0:12] therapist was because I was one of many

[0:15] that through my financial support for

[0:18] around 8 months was dramatically

[0:20] improving my therapist quality of life.

[0:23] And although all of that therapist

[0:25] advice did do a damn thing to improve my

[0:28] life, at least I had the satisfaction

[0:31] and the knowledge of how it was

[0:33] improving theirs. Hello folks, my name

[0:36] is Ernest. Thank you for being here. You

[0:39] see, even though psychoanalysts very

[0:42] much enjoy giving the impression that

[0:45] their livelihood is a science, if you

[0:48] really press them on the issue, any

[0:50] decent and ethical psychoanalyst will

[0:54] admit that it's not a science. which is

[0:57] really nice because if they didn't do

[0:59] that, a person with problems and issues

[1:03] might discover that they could get an

[1:06] equal amount of insight and benefit by

[1:09] going to a tarot card reader and

[1:12] probably for a hell of a lot less money.

[1:16] Now, make no mistake,

[1:18] modern psychoanalysis is very good at

[1:21] describing and classifying various

[1:24] mental issues. And if you think about it

[1:27] for a psychotherapist,

[1:29] that's a very good thing because there

[1:33] are just so many people out there with

[1:36] so many issues. It pretty much

[1:38] guarantees a level of job security that

[1:41] few other occupations,

[1:44] having a lifetime position of a Supreme

[1:47] Court justice, for example, can match.

[1:50] and having that kind of well-paid job

[1:54] and income security must absolutely do

[1:57] wonders for their mental health.

[2:01] So after giving this quite a bit of

[2:03] thought, I came up with something that I

[2:06] believe is not only innovative but

[2:09] completely ethical because it's based on

[2:12] realist principles. It's based on

[2:15] symbiosis and I call it rent a friend.

[2:20] Very briefly before I continue, if

[2:23] you're enjoying this episode, please

[2:25] subscribe and hit that notification bell

[2:28] so the channel grows. And if you're

[2:30] listening to my podcast anywhere in the

[2:33] world, I would sincerely appreciate you

[2:36] telling a friend. Now, back to the

[2:39] episode. Allow me to explain just how

[2:43] Rent a Friend works.

[2:46] For a very modest fee, less than half

[2:50] the going rate of current psychoanalyst

[2:53] and/or psychotherapist,

[2:55] a client can meet me at a public place.

[2:58] It must be a relaxing, dimly lit

[3:01] restaurant that serves drinks.

[3:04] Obviously, not anything like a fast food

[3:07] restaurant.

[3:09] The client meets for a standard 2-hour

[3:12] session, which they have already prepaid

[3:15] for,

[3:17] and the rent a friend session begins

[3:20] immediately after the client and I have

[3:23] received our first round of drinks.

[3:27] I want to make it perfectly clear that

[3:30] if someone is a non-drinker, they do not

[3:34] qualify for the rent a friend service.

[3:38] Since the scam or I mean uh service will

[3:41] be completely ineffective if their mind

[3:44] is not properly lubricated uninhibited

[3:48] and open to suggestion.

[3:51] So basically I sit there acting as a

[3:54] caring and patient friend, hence the

[3:57] reason the name of the service and

[4:00] listen to everything they have to say,

[4:03] no matter how totally inane, vacuous,

[4:07] superficial, and completely [ __ ]

[4:09] idiotic it may be.

[4:12] Eventually,

[4:14] typically around the third round of

[4:16] drinks, which the client always pays

[4:19] for, I will begin to give them my

[4:22] analysis and suggestions for their life.

[4:26] All done with a soft tone and convincing

[4:29] smile as though I was their best friend,

[4:33] just like conventional licensed scammer,

[4:36] or I mean, uh, psychotherapists do.

[4:39] Trust me, they won't even be able to

[4:42] tell the difference, but their wallet

[4:44] will because remember the service I

[4:47] provide is less than half the cost of a

[4:51] conventional therapist.

[4:54] So, what about efficacy? The results,

[4:57] you might reasonably ask. Well, the one

[5:01] area that Rent a Friend has in common

[5:04] with conventional psychotherapy

[5:07] is that it makes no claims to guarantee

[5:10] therapeutic success.

[5:12] Since clients have already accepted that

[5:14] reality and most certainly signed

[5:17] documents to that effect prior to

[5:20] receiving conventional therapy, the same

[5:24] rules and disclaimers will apply to Rent

[5:27] a Friend. We are very sympathetic if a

[5:30] client's life is completely [ __ ] up

[5:33] because they are batshit crazy, but they

[5:37] are not going to successfully sue rent a

[5:40] friend. And just to finish this

[5:43] description of how Rent a friend works,

[5:47] safety is always a primary concern for

[5:50] our clients. So we always require the

[5:54] following safety protocol.

[5:58] Clients must always turn over their car

[6:01] keys. They of course can keep the rest

[6:04] of them before the session even begins.

[6:07] And if I or the professional barkeep

[6:10] determine that a client has had too much

[6:13] alcohol, the client may call a friend

[6:16] who picked them up or have a taxi or

[6:20] Uber at the client's expense provide

[6:24] them a ride home. the client can

[6:26] retrieve their car keys the next day at

[6:29] their convenience.

[6:32] We use this precaution because the last

[6:35] thing clients need in their life is

[6:38] another potential tragedy due to a DUI

[6:42] accident. And because we've already

[6:45] statistically determined that if someone

[6:48] is of such low intelligence, willing to

[6:52] completely disgrace themselves by using

[6:55] such a service, they benefit by not

[6:58] suffering any potential further negative

[7:01] consequences

[7:03] by operating a vehicle intoxicated,

[7:07] which they in all probability would do

[7:10] without this precaution. due to their

[7:13] already mentioned very low intelligence.

[7:18] I believe our motto says it all. Rent a

[7:22] friend truly cares about you and wants

[7:26] to be your best friend forever.

[7:33] Until next time, this is Ernest and

[7:36] that's all I've got for today.