ANNA’S UNFAITHFULNESS ISSUE. EARNEST MANN’S: LIFE ADVICE PC. 1
The Hard Truth About Relationships and Control
Hello, Earnest Mann here! Today, I’m responding to a deeply emotional letter from Anna in Houston, Texas. Anna, while you might not like what I’m about to say, this is potent medicine—bitter but beneficial. Relationships and life are often far beyond our control, and understanding that can be a powerful step toward healing.
Pain, Perspective, and Relativity in Life
Anna, discovering your husband’s infidelity is devastating. But let’s reflect: would this pain seem as consuming if you faced a life-threatening illness? This isn’t to diminish your experience but to emphasize how the importance of life’s challenges shifts with perspective. Pain, as harsh as it feels, is deeply subjective and often fleeting when weighed against larger life events.
Understanding Relationships Beyond Fantasy
Relationships aren’t dictated by destiny or guarantees. They’re shaped by forces set in motion long before we meet someone. Whether your partner is an “alpha male” or a “beta provider,” expecting someone to fundamentally change their nature often leads to disappointment. Acceptance—not magical thinking—offers the greatest chance of navigating this turbulent chapter.
Letting Go of the Illusion of Control
The cosmic dance of life, as I call it, often feels beyond our control. And that’s okay. The key is acknowledging this reality. Trying to force someone’s behavior to align with your expectations is a path to frustration. Instead, focus on honest self-assessment and rational decisions about your next steps.
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Thank you for taking the time, to read this, and remember to avoid anyone spewing bullshit as much as possible, your life will be far better for it. Earnest
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Transcript
I have received a very disturbing letter from a woman in Houston Texas named Anna so Anna here's
Speaker:my response although I must forewarn you you may not like what I'm about to say it's potent bitter
Speaker:medicine but it's very good medicine so well Anna I understand you're very upset but you're
Speaker:coming across a bit too emotional so I'm sorry you're feeling this bad but let's slow down take
Speaker:a deep breath and try to deconstruct this chaos together okay okay so you recently discovered that
Speaker:your husband is cheating on you and I feel for you but let me ask you this question would you
Speaker:rather discover that your husband is cheating on you or have a doctor give you a prognosis that you
Speaker:have cancer I would be willing to bet a hell of a lot Anna that if a doctor gave you a prognosis of
Speaker:cancers the issue of your husband cheating on you wouldn't mean a hell of a lot and you know
Speaker:why because the things that are most important to us can change at a moment's notice it's all about
Speaker:what's relative in your life therefore pain to one extent or another is always subjective now I'm not
Speaker:in any way meaning to make light of your situation on I'm just trying to illustrate that whether you
Speaker:are aware of it or not many times even though we think we're picking our battles we're actually not
Speaker:those decisions have already been made by forces greater than our usual levels of awareness many
Speaker:people have the mistaken notion that they have a great deal of control concerning relationships but
Speaker:in reality we don't the actual trajectories of our various relationships were set into motion
Speaker:long before we even met the person that we often arrogantly refer to as our soulmate and as soon
Speaker:as a person accepts that they also must accept the fact that there was so much going on beyond their
Speaker:control there was really no way in hell there was anything remotely related to Destiny involved I
Speaker:know that doesn't sound very romantic but it's true there is no guarantee that we'll actually
Speaker:get what we want such as lover that's faithful to us but I'm also telling you this Anna that
Speaker:before we are even in a position to cross that bridge we have to be at a solid and reasonable
Speaker:position first that is to say you should look at a relationship like this if position a which is
Speaker:how you are viewing or attempting to create a relationship wants to get to position C which
Speaker:is the end goal of a given relationship it has to recognize that it needs to get to position B
Speaker:honest and unemotional evaluation of the potential relationship first but I don't want to get ahead
Speaker:of myself I believe that before we actually go into talking about the subject of relationships
Speaker:themselves it might be better to actually discuss a bit about this Cosmic dance that we generally
Speaker:refer to as life first because simply put and if we don't do that we're putting the proverbial cart
Speaker:before the horse that in turn is long before we get into the conversation of whether or
Speaker:not there is a cart or a horse don't worry I'm not going to get all existential here you're
Speaker:feeling very hurt by your husband's infidelity and I totally understand that but here are my
Speaker:thoughts remember I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear rather what you need to
Speaker:hear as long as you are willing to step out of the boundaries of magical thinking the you stand the
Speaker:greatest chance of staying with or reconnecting with this person assuming that's what you want to
Speaker:do if you're willing to recognize the difference between male psychology as well as physiology
Speaker:simply put Anna men have a different priority set that can be very difficult for any woman
Speaker:to accept notice I didn't say understand I said accept I also want to let you know that you never
Speaker:told me your ages whether or not your husband is a tall handsome alpha male type or just a
Speaker:typical beta male provider these are both very important parts of the equation without knowing
Speaker:what they are it does make giving relationship advice a bit difficult but I will pick one of
Speaker:them and give you some advice and if I'm picking the wrong type ay then let me know
Speaker:and I will adjust my advice accordingly if the man you are involved with is an alpha male and
Speaker:you think that you're going to convert him into a weak complacent Suburban male to shuttle around
Speaker:the children and mow the lawn that's not going to happen that's why he's cheating on you you should
Speaker:think of him as a fine stallion he's built for Speed not comfort and if that's what you expect
Speaker:from him now now that the breeding is completed you should go and get the male equivalent of a
Speaker:dumb plow horse and be prepared to spend the rest of your dull vacuous and monotone existence in a
Speaker:Suburban hellscape but that's not his nature the choice is entirely yours or is it you see
Speaker:Anna the truth I have witnessed in my life and this is supported by cross cultural historical
Speaker:studies and a great deal of documentation is that to a greater or lesser degree the idea that you
Speaker:or I have any real control over any of this is actually a delusion and if in fact that is the
Speaker:case then at least you or I can take solace in the fact that certain situations and life especially
Speaker:when it comes to relationships are largely out of our hands and so if that is the case and it
Speaker:certainly seems it is then it naturally flows that we simply need to recognize that fact of
Speaker:existence and stop engaging in the futility of delusional thinking that what we want to do or see
Speaker:happen with another person is actually something we have any real control over whatsoever and that
Speaker:animal is the absolute truth hey if you found this helpful or if you have any questions you'd
Speaker:like to ask me please don't hesitate to drop me a line through my contact in the description below
Speaker:and I'll help you any way I can until next Monday or Friday this is earnest and I usually always am