0:00

if it's one thing I think we could all

0:01

use right now it's a good laugh

0:04

unfortunately I'm not a very good

0:07

comedian so with the exception of Doug

0:09

stanh hope and a few others there's

0:11

simply nowhere to get your [ __ ]

0:14

comedy fixed these days so you'll have

0:16

to rely on me an old third string comedy

0:19

quarterback whose best days are

0:21

definitely behind him and even those

0:24

days weren't that [ __ ] great I was

0:27

like a poor man's leis black and I mean

0:30

a really [ __ ] poor

0:32

man if you work for a living why do you

0:36

kill yourself

0:38

working

0:40

well thank you for being

0:43

here it's

0:45

Friday we made it through another

0:49

week I hope it wasn't too bad mine

0:53

was um well pretty [ __ ]

0:58

horrific but that's the way it goes

1:01

sometimes it was yeah it was non-stop

1:04

crazy and again if you've ever been

1:06

through that yeah so it's the kind of

1:09

[ __ ] that you look at and uh you say wow

1:14

I'm I'm glad that shit's

1:16

over you're going to like this episode I

1:21

believe a

1:23

lot because as you know I do tend to be

1:28

rather serious

1:32

but I discovered something

1:35

new it's so new in fact you don't I'm

1:40

sure you I'm I'm positive I'm absolutely

1:44

[ __ ] certain you haven't heard about

1:47

this in the mainstream Media or anywhere

1:49

else for that matter and I just stumbled

1:54

on it it just it was one of those

1:58

things that I listen to a guy and he

2:02

gave it to me

2:05

now

2:07

this even with all the interwebs and and

2:11

and we think we have a tendency to think

2:14

we're you know gods of information

2:16

because we have online data and we can

2:21

virtually find

2:23

anything but not this this is

2:28

different and and um it to say ITA it

2:33

came as it came as a big surprise to me

2:37

and uh

2:39

so

2:41

um what's it

2:43

about of course you want to know what

2:45

it's about I promise I'm going to get to

2:48

it it's it's just the suspense of it

2:51

because you

2:53

know

2:55

and when this gets out just be before I

2:59

spill the

3:01

beans hold yourself calm down we're

3:05

going to get to it but it's like a fine

3:07

meal you want to you want to relish it

3:11

don't want to just blurt it out

3:14

there and you're going to find

3:16

that if enough people have seen this

3:22

it's going to be all over the place in

3:23

the news you cuz you know how this [ __ ]

3:26

happens that's the way it goes it just

3:29

it just goes that way and that's it

3:31

that's the way it is once once someone

3:33

kicks it out there

3:36

hey now do not think for a moment this

3:40

is about politics it's not I'm just

3:44

using this as an

3:46

example but it directly affects politics

3:50

and I never knew

3:52

this

3:54

so first of all before I go into it

3:57

though and remember there's a very good

4:01

chance this could be very funny but

4:03

before we do

4:04

this I strongly

4:07

suggest um and this is only a suggestion

4:10

do what you

4:12

will but I would strongly suggest that

4:14

you

4:16

have one two I don't know maybe three or

4:20

more of your favorite adult

4:25

beverage and I

4:28

guarantee after after you do this or as

4:32

you're enjoying what I'm about to tell

4:34

you you'll walk away not only much more

4:39

informed but you're going to think this

4:41

is

4:43

hilarious the effects may not be the

4:45

same if you're totally you know not inv

4:49

vibing as they say but uh you know do as

4:52

you

4:53

will and there you have it so here is a

4:57

factoid and I and I and I went through

5:01

this because I am interested in the

5:03

political

5:04

game and um I went through this and I

5:06

found this this strange uh

5:10

factual uh

5:12

correlation and it is that um the

5:16

tallest uh

5:18

competitors usually

5:20

always regardless of the party

5:24

affiliation the tallest guys win the

5:28

election

5:30

I don't know if you knew this you can

5:32

actually you can actually look this up

5:35

part of this it's so amazing is that um

5:38

you know basically what it's shown hands

5:41

down pretty much is that short and

5:44

squalet kind of guys they don't do well

5:47

people vote for tall

5:49

guys it's true it is statistically

5:54

true and uh but there's another part of

5:57

this that is also

6:00

uh statistically

6:02

significant and there's no other way to

6:04

say this I'll just lay it out here for

6:07

you but it h it also it has to do

6:12

directly with their

6:17

ass

6:19

now how on Earth is the combination any

6:23

kind of

6:24

combination I know what you're probably

6:26

their ass their

6:28

ass I'm going to tell you

6:32

how they discovered that

6:36

um what was what what had been happening

6:39

for some time is you know the candidates

6:42

up until just recently have all been you

6:46

know

6:47

men and uh but when the men are on the

6:51

campaign Trail and they take their you

6:54

know sport jacket off or maybe sometimes

6:56

they're not even wearing that

6:59

it's the men that have the most uh

7:03

attractive asses also as a as a

7:07

proportion of their

7:10

height that win the

7:12

elections

7:14

now some might say that beauty is in the

7:17

eye of the beholder but here's a

7:20

truth um asses help to win the election

7:25

in proportion to their height and

7:28

they're not just any kind kind of ass

7:30

we're talking something very specific

7:33

here bear with

7:38

me um it has to have a certain amount of

7:46

plumpness now it just so

7:49

happens that Donald Trump has that

7:52

plumpness I'm not necessarily talking

7:54

about being

7:56

overweight we're not talking about a

7:58

lard ass here

8:00

[ __ ] but it has to have that

8:03

bump right on the

8:07

asset that there is there is a

8:12

correlation so I didn't know this until

8:16

I uh I was actually all I was doing is I

8:19

went to my you know my favorite watering

8:22

hole and there was uh an older guy there

8:26

older than myself and I started telling

8:29

him about these correlations you know

8:32

concerning their height and he just

8:34

nonchalantly said but yeah but you know

8:36

about their ass

8:38

too and I said no what do you mean and

8:42

he's you know we're eating he's having a

8:44

little meal he like yeah he's just

8:47

cutting his food you know yeah well

8:50

it's it's Whoever has the best

8:55

ass well this was a revelation to me

9:00

like I didn't know this please oh yeah

9:03

yeah you see the guy if he's got the ass

9:05

bump it it's

9:06

good and um I so yeah now do not confuse

9:13

that with the flat ass this is the one

9:17

where you know it's it's basically like

9:20

going off a [ __ ] cliff it just

9:22

comes straight down

9:25

no won't win the election we have never

9:30

and it's been

9:32

checked I checked

9:34

it we have never not once not once had a

9:38

flat ass

9:40

president

9:42

now of course you're going to say well

9:45

this whole game changer now is with

9:48

women that are you know running for you

9:50

know presidency and vice president this

9:52

that it throws a whole different uh

9:56

mechanism into the game here it's new

9:59

[ __ ]

10:02

because you know from a man's point of

10:04

view if I had to look at a woman and if

10:07

on no other qualifier at all

10:11

none just their ass that would be simple

10:15

think about how [ __ ] simple that

10:18

would be us guys together we'll make it

10:21

a party they just just put put the put

10:24

the candidate in a [ __ ] bikini or

10:26

whatnot have Walk The Runway or

10:28

somewhere else else in public something

10:30

you know you got to do that but we're

10:32

making it like a you know like a like a

10:34

a football party kind of thing and on

10:37

the big screen and the camera just you

10:39

know it just it just [ __ ] it keeps

10:41

just zooming right in on their ass and

10:44

all this guy you know it's like a sports

10:45

thing we're taking notes oh yeah oh look

10:48

[ __ ] look at that did you see

10:51

that so as far as the the whole woman

10:55

thing that's that's pretty new the whole

10:57

thing is pretty new but but I'm I'm

10:59

willing to bet probably very

11:03

quickly um yeah this is going to EV you

11:06

know Elevate into we'll call it I don't

11:10

know for politics let's we'll call it

11:14

asscam

11:15

huh it's me I'm I want to patent it that

11:19

name we're going to call it you know we

11:21

where we do this the thing is what they

11:23

do and they go like that or I don't know

11:26

what the [ __ ] they do or something like

11:29

something like that just [ __ ] just

11:32

zoom right in there call it ass

11:36

Cam and pretty soon that's the only

11:38

[ __ ] qualifier you need but I'm

11:41

telling you this is

11:43

real I didn't know this this old fella

11:46

at the uh at the bar told me and I

11:49

started checking into it we have never

11:52

had never had a flat ass president think

11:57

about that

11:59

now on is if we're going to have men and

12:03

that's going to continue and I assume it

12:05

is the only thing you need to be

12:08

concerned about is their ass so when

12:11

they have a press meeting and this that

12:13

and the

12:14

other you know imagine all those

12:16

reporters and all that [ __ ] and someone

12:19

could finally raise their hand and say

12:22

well yeah that's all well and good

12:24

you're going to fix the economy and

12:26

you're going to bring back jobs and

12:29

you're going but what about are you

12:32

willing to take off your sport coat and

12:35

show us your

12:39

ass

12:41

just just a

12:44

thought just a thought